Haiti

I overestimated Haiti. I was thinking this morning that we’d start hearing about criminal machete gangs tomorrow sometime. I was off by a day.

There’s no government. The presidential palace was destroyed, the UN headquarters was destroyed, and most of the good guys are digging their families out of the rubble. That means it’s open-season for the looters, rapists and mutant zombie bikers.

Presumably, Pat Robertson and I share a common belief system. I’m just not sure that a biblical world-view accounts for an entire country being able to enter into a bargain with the devil on behalf of every citizen, born and unborn. However, if you’re open to such ideas, it does seem like a new Gate of Hell has opened in Port-au-Prince. I’m not sure the demographics would be much affected by Rapture, either, so there’s strike two.

The responsibility for preventing the destruction of an entire ethnic group once again rests with the United States of America. There’s no other government or civilization on Earth that can effectively respond to such a thing, and therefore I presume that Barack Hussein Obama is already preparing his apologetic remarks for the previous administration’s failures re: the Republic of Haiti, to be presented at an opportune moment. It’s his nature.

My selfish thoughts are typically of the “I’m glad it’s not me” variety. Doubly so, because I know there aren’t 300 million well-meaning foreigners a couple hundred miles away who will be airdropping saltines on my sorry ass were this shit to happen here. At a point like that, “God, Guts & Guns” would no longer seem like such a quaint slogan reserved for the rosy-naped.

Anyway: Let’s Roll